the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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