Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
