So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
