Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
