I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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