I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize