On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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