I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
