She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
