the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
