I just threw up on my dentist
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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