She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
