I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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