so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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