you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
