I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize