piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
