Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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