The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
