I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
