when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
