i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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