I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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