If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
