now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize