Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
