how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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