you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
