He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
how drunk are you?
Several
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize