a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
