This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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