Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize