We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
