eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize