when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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