alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
