I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
