we have pet lesbian snakes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize