Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
