He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
