1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
