I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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