Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
