Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize