just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
