I wish I only lived at night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
