I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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