Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
