This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
