I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
