Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
