Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
