You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
