I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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