even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
