They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
