it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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