When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
