hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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