I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
