I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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