I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
