My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
