plz talk dirty to me
I'm so fucking centered right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
