i just wanna soil my oats bro
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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