i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
