Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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