We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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