What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
