Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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