He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
