coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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