even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize