Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
