P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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