He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
