I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
