Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ketchup is God's man juice
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
