I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
